Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry wonderallyawant hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

(781): View more from Massachusetts

then i met college

Fav 17 6595 1083
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

Fav 30 12543 1219
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(415): View more from California

The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!

Fav 5 1763 854
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself

Fav 4 749 557
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He just brought a live lobster to the party.

Fav 1 149 107
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT