I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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