Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
