I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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