good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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