Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
