1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
