Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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