you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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