You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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