NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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