omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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