he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were trust falling into bushes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
