I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
