Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize