My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
