But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
