a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
