I must be too annoying 4 u.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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