my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
