allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
