You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
