I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize