New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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