Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The uberlube is also flammable
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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