you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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