Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
