I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
