I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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