i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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