The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
