I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
