i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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