Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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