"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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