The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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