It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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