forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
handjob tips. give me some.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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