I smell stomach acid.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Your penis caused this!
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