So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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