my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
