My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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