Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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