The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
