im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
