No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
