the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize