You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
