FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
