Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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