don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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