I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
