At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
