I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
false alarm. still invincible.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
