Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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