Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize