We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
