we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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