Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
