he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
