Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
