Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
