I skipped work to stalk him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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