Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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