i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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