Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
