Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
